…mine, to be specific. I bet that’s just what you wished for when you woke up this morning!
In all seriousness though, one of my personal goals for this year was to talk about my struggle with excess hair more openly here, and as it’s fast approaching mid December (as if?!), I thought I’d better get on with it.
It’s weird – there are so many sensitive and personal things that I blog about but wouldn’t really discuss in person, yet this is the one subject that is the exact opposite. I think it’s because I’m not really sure how I feel about it myself, as I’m pretty conflicted about the whole subject of hair removal, especially considering myself to be a feminist.
You see, earlier this year I decided to bite the bullet and shell out for 6 sessions of laser hair removal on my face and neck. Most people I’ve told about this are shocked, because they’ve never even noticed any hair – but of course they wouldn’t have, because I’ve spent the last god knows how many years obsessively removing it every day.
As much as I’d love to say that I didn’t really care because it’s natural and part of my body as it’s meant to be, that’s definitely not the case. I REALLY cared – it made me feel ugly, I felt shit about myself every time I had to remove it (which was daily, believe it or not – sometimes TWICE daily if my hormones were going wild) and I was constantly paranoid that I’d missed some or that someone would notice. I have PCOS, the side effects of which can include strong and rapid hair growth, so this wasn’t your average bit of face fluff. It was thick, dark, VERY persistent, and – because I’m so bloody pale – even when I’d removed it, you could still see it below the surface of my skin.
So yes, after a good 10+ years of daily removal and it only getting worse as time went by, laser treatment felt like the right choice for me. I have my 5th session out of 6 this weekend, and even the 4 I’ve already had have genuinely changed my life. I’ll probably do a whole separate post about my experience of laser hair removal if anyone is interested (let me know if you are!) because I couldn’t really find much before I started, it was a real risk for me.
I don’t really know what my aim was here. I think I just wanted to open up a little bit and start a conversation, because I know for a fact that there are lots of other women like me out there who might appreciate the honesty. I’ve chosen to take the permanent removal route (well, as permanent as it gets), but this is my personal choice, and it doesn’t mean it’s right for everyone. It also doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with female face or body hair – and this is something I still find really conflicting. Am I a ‘proper’ feminist? Am I ‘giving in’ to the patriarchy? Should I even be calling it ‘excess’ hair? I don’t really know, if I’m honest. All I do know is that if I was a man with a shit, patchy beard, I’d probably be removing it too. That gives me a little bit of comfort, at least!
P.S. please be extra nice to me because this is my one big insecurity and the thought of posting this is filling me with huge amounts of dread and I might be a little bit sick in my mouth. Thank you love you bye x